Lessons in Love and Loss: The Legacy of My Beagle Named Cody

My 14-year-old beagle, Cody, died suddenly in my arms on a cold metal table in the back office of a veterinary clinic. I had driven two hours to Columbia, SC, where he was visiting my son in college. A frantic call from my son a few days prior had signaled the urgent trip, and upon arrival, Cody looked drastically different from the vibrant pet I had seen six weeks prior at Christmas.

I had naively thought I was prepared for his passing, especially since he was nearing 15 and had shown no signs of slowing down at our last meeting. The vet gave me a few final moments alone with him, his heart slowing to thirty-four beats per minute. Overwhelmed, I found myself sobbing, gently rubbing his velvety ears and soft, scruffy neck, reminiscing about our lives together.

In those moments, a particular memory surfaced: the day we brought Cody home. My son, merely eight years old at the time, was filled with a mix of disbelief and joy, repeatedly asking, "Is he really ours?" That day, our family had expanded with an unspoken promise of shared adventures and countless memories. Cody's eager eyes and wagging tail had sealed an unbreakable bond, one that had enriched our lives beyond measure.

As Cody's journey with us came to an end, it wasn't just his life that flashed before my eyes, but the entirety of our shared experiences. This dog, the epitome of a happy, hungry, and pack-loving beagle, had been more than a pet; he was a central part of our family's tapestry.

Leaving the clinic without him, I was engulfed by a profound sadness, one that extended beyond the immediate loss. It was a reflection on the countless times I had hurried out the door, too preoccupied to cherish the moments with Cody, who was always eager for my attention. It dawned on me that the depth of my sorrow was tied to these missed opportunities for connection, moments when love was available, but I chose haste over heart.

This realization brought me to a broader contemplation about love and vulnerability. In the face of emotional pain, it's tempting to close off our hearts, to vow never to expose ourselves to such depths of sorrow again. Yet, in doing so, we deny ourselves the essence of living fully. Cody's passing reminded me that the pain of loss is inextricably linked to the capacity to love and be loved.

So, on this Valentine's Day, I extend a gentle reminder to embrace love in all its forms. Tell those important to you that they are loved, not just today but every day. And for those who have built walls around their hearts, consider this an invitation to dismantle them, piece by piece. Love, in its purest form, is worth the risk of heartache.

As I reflect on my time with Cody, I am reminded that while the pain of loss is inevitable, the joy of love is irreplaceable. May we all have the courage to keep our hearts open, to love and be loved, without reservation. My love goes out to each and every one of you, wherever you may be today.

IS THE OLD ADAGE "ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS" REALLY TRUE?

With a career spanning 27 years in personal development, I've dedicated myself to uncovering concepts that augment our happiness, health, and prosperity. Throughout this series, I will share the breakthroughs that have shaped my journey, hoping they might illuminate yours too!

Today, we explore an age-old saying that most of us have grown up hearing: "Actions speak louder than words." We've always been told that what we do matters more than what we say. But is this adage universally true? Or is there more to the story?  For myself and thousands of clients, a more important consideration emerged: "In fact, it's more important to control your thoughts."

Decoding this enlightening perspective requires a deep dive into the interconnected realms of actions, words, and thoughts.

Why Do Actions Speak Louder Than Words?

There's an undeniable potency in the phrase, "Actions speak louder than words." It underscores the idea that promises and pretty speeches are worth less than tangible, visible actions. In essence, it is what we do rather than what we say that truly defines us.

In the court of public opinion, actions are our most reliable witnesses. They are tangible, noticeable, and measurable. They are the vivid paintings that illustrate our character in the gallery of life. Our words might suggest we are compassionate, driven, or disciplined, but it is our actions that provide the irrefutable evidence of such qualities.

However, as we elevate our understanding, we realize there is a layer deeper than actions, an uncharted territory that resides within us: our thoughts.

The Power of Thoughts: The Conductor Behind Actions

At first glance, focusing on actions seems more pragmatic. After all, we live in a physical world where material outcomes carry weight. But actions, as powerful as they might be, are merely the surface level manifestations of something much more profound: our thoughts.

Every action is preceded by a thought.

It is our internal dialogue, our mindset, which shapes our decisions and, ultimately, our actions.

Consequently, our thoughts are the architects of our reality.

Think of your mind as the director of an orchestra, with each musician representing an action. Without the conductor's guidance, the symphony transforms into a cacophony. To create a harmonious melody in life, controlling your thoughts—the conductor—becomes vitally important.

Why Control Your Thoughts?

To control does not mean to suppress or resist; rather, it is about understanding, directing, and cultivating our thought patterns.  

Our thoughts are like seeds; what we plant in the fertile soil of our minds determines the fruits we harvest in our lives. Planting seeds of positivity, self-love, intention, and resilience result in a bounty of empowering actions.

It is within this mind-garden that our true potential resides. By controlling our thoughts, we can reshape our beliefs, rewrite our narratives, and ultimately reorient our actions. The actions, which speak louder to the world, will then be an echo of a robust, self-affirming internal dialogue.

In my personal experience, the understanding of how important it is to manage my thoughts came to the forefront when my business had to close for several months during the Covid-19 shutdown. I found myself not only caught up in the collective fear but also fear for providing for myself and my children as a single mother.  It became apparent quickly that my thoughts could work for me or against me.  I took the lockdown time to invest in an online business development program and to begin a more diligent practice of training my thoughts to stay positive.  I perceived my mind to be like a muscle and I strengthened it everyday through challenging myself to focus on and hold thoughts that were positive.  I see it like a challenge for my rebellious self to never let any situation hold me back or down for very long.  And since then….

I tell myself that I will assume and ultimately find the advantage in every situation!

The Call to Mastery

Your thoughts are like the software code that produces your emotions and your consistent actions. Tweaking this code can bring profound changes in your actions and consequently, your life.  

It might sound daunting, but remember, you're not alone in this journey.

Helping people with this is my passion and my expertise.

Mindset coaching can be your ally, your mentor in this journey of mastering your thoughts. A mindset coach guides you to navigate your thought patterns, helping you to recognize limiting beliefs, cultivating empowering thoughts, and fostering an internal environment that promotes growth, resilience, and positivity.

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When the Future is Uncertain, That is Our Time to Co-Create

Many of you are feeling shut in, disconnected, anxious and fearful. Watch this video to give you some ideas on what you can do during this time of self-distancing during Covid-19. My love to each of you watching!

7 Ways to Have Calm During Covid-19

As the founder of the Charleston Hypnosis Center & the American Hypnosis & Coaching Academy, I can say that one of my specialties is helping people manage or overcome stress.  Moreover, in the past decade, the number of clients seeking solutions beyond traditional counseling and medications for deep seated anxiety, depression, and trauma related problems has increasingly grown.

I have been personally challenged to put my professional strategies to the test as I have navigated through loss of a best friend to brain cancer, divorce, children going off to college, and now the Covid-19 pandemic.

For myself, I created a mental arsenal of techniques I could practice, one or more steps I would take every single day for staying on top of my stress.  Because I knew that if I didn’t, it would take its toll on my health, my relationships, my attitude and my success.

Before I Offer My Suggestions…Notice How I Won’t Say Practice Meditation? –

WHY? I am laughing as I write this because one very famous personal development author recommended this to people to start doing during the Covid Crisis.  My first reaction was a big hearty laugh!   Personally, as difficult as the practice is for most people, I was thinking that if you haven’t been practicing quieting your mind regularly, you could be setting yourself up for failure if you try to meditate NOW.  I recently took some Krav Maga self-defense classes.  One of the philosophies is to practice self-defense moves repeatedly so when the real danger comes, your self-defense measures are automatic and second nature. 

If you can meditate already, ABSOLUTELY BE MEDITATING!  If you can’t, practice positive visualization and appreciation instead (See #6 & #7 below). It has the same basic physiological benefits as silent meditation like calming respiration, heart rate and increasing circulation.

Here are 7 Ways to Have Calm Under Stress of Covid-19

1)      Shift from a State of Fear to a Healthy Sense of Caution – This means take action.  Self-distance.  Prepare.  Do whatever you can do to stay safe and keep others safe.  Then, say to yourself, “I did the best that I can do to stay safe and healthy.  Now, I have to let it go of worrying about the aspects I can’t control.  Worrying and staying in fear over the aspects of this pandemic that you cannot control are just creating more stress hormones in your body which can impact sleep, digestion, focus, mood and healthy immunity. 

2)     Speak Gratitude for Your Health – This retrains your mind to focus on the good in your life instead of focusing on your worst fears. Say out loud affirmations like the following, “I am thankful for my health.  I am thankful for my body.  I am thankful for healthy immunity.  I am thankful for being healthy right now.”  Now is the perfect time to focus on appreciation of ALL that you have going that is good in your life including your health.

3)     Acknowledge What You Love About Your Home – Too often we take the basics for granted like our health and our home until something like Covid-19 happens. When we acknowledge what we love, we are focusing on the positive. Do you love your sofa or your bed? Your pillow?!  When you are sitting or lying in them, say out loud, “I love this sofa!  I love my bed!” Do you have flowers growing this spring?  Say, “I love these azaleas, they’re so pretty!” or “These roses are so beautiful!” This goes beyond gratitude.  The mind is programmed to focus on what we concentrate on and what we concentrate on grows in our awareness. 

4)     Embrace Your Emotions – There are no BAD emotions.   It takes a lot of energy and work to suppress stressful emotions.  Cry if you feel like crying.  It’s okay to be angry, just don’t hit anyone or break anything (that’s what I used to tell my kids).  If you feel anxious, remember the symptoms of anxiety are always preceded by an anxious story.  Ask yourself, “How’s that story working for me?”  Then, tell a different one.

5)     Minimize Exposure to the News and Social Media – lf you find yourself more anxious and stressed after listening to the news or reading, go on a news and social media diet. Once or twice a day updates READING the news and scrolling on social media will greatly lower your stress. This is especially true for EMPATHS or Highly Sensitive People. 

6)     Spend Time Focusing on Desired Outcomes – It is very difficult to tell yourself during times like this NOT to worry.  Not to project unwanted scenarios.  The subconscious mind is wired to keep you prepared for the worst and in, simplistic terms, to avoid pain.  Use your downtime to imagine and journal about the highest and best outcome for yourself and your family members through all of this. 

7)     Make Finding the Silver Lining Your Superpower – In the Hypnosis and NLP world, this is called reframing.  Your brain keys off how you think of something NOT on what’s real.  For your own inner calm and for your children, make it a game, then a strength and then your SUPERPOWER to seek the positive in every situation.  Become relentless about telling a positive story about what is happening.

Finally, I am grateful for each of you that have taken the time to read this far.  Let’s all throw up our hands and say a collective gratitude prayer, “Thank Goodness for Toilet Paper!”

Don't Let Fear of Failure Hold You Back!

CEO of Spanx, Sara Blakely, Shares Her Thoughts on Failure.

So many of my coaching clients discuss their fear of failure. Some are immobilized to take desired action from fear. Others from perfectionism. When I watched Sara’s video for the first time, I was inspired that she grew up with such a positive mindset around failure. Mindset drives our behaviors, our reponses, everything! Watch and get inspired!

Empowered Communication: How to Do Thanksgiving Dinner without a Side of Drama

It seems like almost every year, Hollywood comes out with a movie that portrays the humor and sorrow of families coming together over the holidays.  Chances are if you are participating in a family gathering you’ll be interacting with one or more people with whom you don't see eye to eye. 

There are very artful and diplomatic ways to respond to the difficult people in your life.  

Here are a few empowered communication tips to help you enjoy a more harmonious holiday experience with friends and family. Try one or more of them next time you get into a heated discussion with someone or when someone is criticizing you.

Tip #1:  Disengage or Duck.   

In Dale Carnegie’s bestselling book on success, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” he asserts, “The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it."  The idea is that even if you think you've won the argument, you haven't if one or both of you is left feeling negative.

Have you ever met anyone that loves to argue?  Someone who will “beat the proverbially dead horse” and go on and on until they’ve convinced you to agree their side of the argument?  When you find yourself in an uncomfortable discussion, disengage if the conversation gets heated.  This means, just observe.  Listen but say nothing.  

Moreover, don't defend yourself unless you absolutely must. 

"Many adults are like grown children. They love to argue," says Psychoanalyst, Dr. Aaron Lederer, a child specialist on defiant children and author of "Taming the Wild Child." "Certain children and adults, for that matter, will continue to argue as long as you are responding to their statements.  Because in their minds, they think that as long as the conversation continues, they have a chance to win," he explains.

He suggests that if you can't disengage, duck out.  Excuse yourself from the situation.  Make a phone call. Go walk the dog... Or the cat.

Tip #2: Agree with the TRUTH

Instead of defending, explaining or justifying, which simply hands the other person more fuel to disagree or attack, instead, agree with the person. 

Look for points in the conversation where you are in agreement with what he or she is saying.  When it's the truth or your truth, repeat that part back and agree truthfully. 

Here’s an example. 

Imagine, your brother in-law is complaining. He’s angry that his candidate didn’t get elected.  You can authentically commiserate, “I agree. It was a very stressful election!”  You don’t have to tell him you voted for the other candidate. 

Tip #3. Agree with the POSSIBILITY

Instead of defending yourself, your point of view and pointing out what you disagree with in their logic or assertion, agree that whatever the person is saying is possible.  Just say, “That's possible.”

Here’s how it works….

“Global warming is not really a problem.”  That’s possible.

“Kids these days.  They act so entitled.”  That’s possible.

I mean if you REALLY think about it, anything is possible!  The earth could shift on its axis tomorrow and there would be no more Thanksgivings.   It's possible.  I PROMISE this technique will avert arguments, stop the other person in their tracks and what’s more. . . . They will feel heard.

Tip #4:  Acknowledge Their Point of View

When you acknowledge another person’s point of view, you may do yourself the favor of saving time and energy.  Once the person feels heard, acknowledged or validated, they move on. 

To do this, acknowledge their point of view by saying, “That’s an interesting perspective,” or “That’s an interesting way to look at it.”   When you use this type of response, the energy you're giving the person is open instead of defensive.    You will be surprised how often that this simple statement, curtails the conversation.  

Tip #5:  Thank the Person for Caring

Use this if someone is criticizing you.  Typically, a parent or "loving relative."  To do this, listen to the critique.  Don't defend. Wait until their done and say, “That’s sweet how much care."

I know what some of you are thinking right now.  “There's no way I can say that without sounding sarcastic!"

You've got to try this one.  When you say it sincerely, you've artfully ended the conversation without agreeing or disagreeing with their criticisms.  Done. Conversation over!  

In my coaching sessions, I teach empowered communication skills for successful leadership.  Once, I was coaching a client named Nicole for some job situations and she happened to mention she had a very critical mother.  She ended up using this empowered communication with mom.  Some of you may relate to her story…. 

Nicole was at the Thanksgiving gathering with several other family members sitting around before the big meal.  It was at that precise moment that Nicole’s mother began to publicly criticize her hair color, “Is Sarah down at Tresses still doing your hair?  You know I don’t really think she’s that good.  I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while that your hair color isn’t flattering.  You really need to do something about it.” 

When Nicole’s mother stopped expressing her “motherly concern,” members in the room looked at Nicole and held their breath. 

Speaking with a smile and genuine sincerity, she replied, “Thanks mom.  That’s so sweet how much you care.”  Then, she changed the subject.  Her mother straightened up, smiled, and seemed satisfied and the conversation moved on.

Personally, I've used this one many times and it always works.  Step into your highest self. Acknowledge the other person’s point of view with sincerity.  I promise you will feel in control. You will not feel like you are giving in -- it will empower you.  Best of all, you will be perceived as more confident and powerful.

Tip #6:  Play Adele!

Here’s where my sense of humor comes in.  I give this last suggestion jokingly but if you like to laugh, check it out!  SNL did a skit about Thanksgiving conflict.  A family and their friends are sitting at the dining table and several family members begin verbally attacking each other.  Several times the heated discussions reach a peak. The little girl runs to the boom box and plays Adele.  Watch what happens!

The skit is really more than funny, it makes a very insightful observation that oftentimes what we criticize in others, we are disowning within ourselves. Watch closely and you will see how they artfully make the point!

My gratitude towards each of you is that you took the time to read my advice.  Thank you!  I hope each of you have a great holiday season! Don’t take anything personally! And remember to smile!

There's only one thing that can keep a family (Beck Bennett, Jay Pharoah, Cecily Strong, Aidy Bryant, Matthew McConaughey, Kate McKinnon, Vanessa Bayer) from fighting at Thanksgiving: Adele.

Empowering Your Mind to Create a Breakthrough

One of the most popular complaints I hear from potential clients is that they feel stuck.  It's that situation where you cognitively KNOW how you want to be thinking and behaving but it's just not happening.  There's a big disconnect.

Maybe it's getting up an hour earlier to work on your book or exercise.

Maybe it's that diet you've wanted to start or the bad habit you know you need to end.

Maybe it's the unhealthy relationship you've been in and you know it's what you want but you can't quit the person either.

These undesirable patterns can painfully go on for months, even years.  Overtime, they zap your energy, your motivation, your productivity and most of all your confidence.

And it's not for lack of trying....I can’t tell you how many times someone comes to me complaining their stuck and they have spent hours, months, even years…. reading, researching, seeking advice from experts only to keep spinning their wheels without a breakthrough.  

That’s because logic often falls short when it comes to solving a problem. 

For those of you who have worked with me for a while, you may know that my sessions are very different than anything else you’ve tried.  Why?  Because, I have a unique and rapid system to break the "stuck" patterns which I call a Whole Brained Problem Solving. 

And it’s not just something I use.  It’s something I teach. 

You know that old idea of giving someone the fishing pole not just the fish? 

Here’s how it works…

First, I use a coaching technique to hone in within minutes and readily identify the limiting beliefs and thought patterns that are holding you back.  That’s the left brain part.

Second, I pull out the big guns:) 

I use an arsenal of right brain, creative problem solving techniques including hypnosis, introspective imagery, NLP, and even regression work to go even deeper and find the hidden roadblocks that are holding you back.  The ones that you might never discover otherwise because they are not logical.  They wouldn’t seem to be related at a conscious level.

Frequently, this is the missing piece for people.  (Or I could say “missing peace.”)

The result …..

(COACHING + HYPNOSIS)

(LEFT BRAIN PROBLEM SOLVING + RIGHT BRAIN PROBLEM SOVLING)

= ACCELERATE BREAKTHROUGHS!

Often in one hour, you’ve made a breakthrough after struggling for years. 

Whole Brained Problem Solving occurs when you employ both left brain and right brain problem solving techniques in one session.   The two approaches combined created a synergistic effect which leverages your results over time when you receive custom recordings for reinforcement.

To sum up, Whole Brained Problem Solving is at once a powerful coaching method, an introspective, creative problem solving practice and a pathway towards rapid breakthroughs.

Whatever prompts you to explore this experience — from anxiety to overcoming a habit to personal & relationship development to spiritual growth —  Whole Brained Problem Solving as an ongoing practice can support rapid change as well as positive and lasting shifts. 

Moreover, Whole Brained Problem Solving gives you an edge in life and in business. 

So if you want to be more successful, you’ve got to start using Whole Brained Problem Solving and give yourself an inner advantage over your competition.

If you have any questions about how Whole Brained Problem Solving might enhance your life or give you an edge, please let me know.

And speaking of time… A shift in our experience of time is part of what happens through the Whole Brained Problem Solving. This is clearer in experience than from words, but I’ll try to offer a glimpse.

In each of the Whole Brain Problem Solving sessions, something quite fundamental shifts in how we experience the world, and who we experience ourselves to be. As part of this, our way of experiencing time itself shifts. And this is one of the reasons why the method tends to naturally dissolve our unhealthy emotional reactions, and other “stuck” patterns. (To have an emotional reaction, we have to code cause and effect in a certain way through time. When this crumbles our emotional reactivity dissolves.)

The more I practice Whole Brain Problem Solving, the more I experience an ability to be in the moment. Perhaps, that’s because it has allowed me to perceive a stronger sense of control over my experiences and a greater confidence in myself to handle whatever life throws at me. 

If you are feeling stuck with something or looking for an edge, contact me and let’s explore what this work could unlock and unleash for you!

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Empowering Yourself to Get Unstuck!

It's actually not that hard to create a life that's really flowing, full of love and energy.

At one point, my life used to be a real struggle. I had inherited that "farmer" mentality from my parents and grandparents who grew up on dairy farms in the South. I believed that if I wanted to achieve anything of real value, I had to work hard and struggle for it. I'd get upset when things weren't the way I thought they were supposed to be.  I'd get down on myself if I wasn't pushing, pushing, pushing to get ahead.

I know now that life doesn't have to feel this way. And it's actually pretty easy to turn things around. All it requires is willingness. The willingness to look at your thoughts and beliefs and a willingness to admit when they aren't supporting you in greater levels of peace and happiness.

When I developed a debilitating bout of chronic fatigue when my children were toddlers, I had to give up the struggle.  I had to stop beating myself up and feeling guilty for not being Super-Mom, do it all, successful biz owner.  I got humbled and I had to let people help me. 

I had to draw stronger boundaries with my time and my commitments.  I had to even take things off my plate that I enjoyed when my body told me to rest. 

What was most infuriating is that the doctor told me, “We don’t really know what causes chronic fatigue.  Frankly, there’s no cure for it.”  It's the most obvious, logical thing in the world when a doctor tells you, there's no cure your illness to believe it. I felt stuck.

The turning point in healing from my chronic fatigue came with two MINDSET breakthroughs.

First, this "good" girl got defiant! 

Which meant I refused to believe that I was stuck with the chronic fatigue - mystery illness!  I kept affirming to myself, "I am drawing to me, the people and circumstances that I need to get healthy and well again." 

Let’s be clear.  This is not a DOING, PUSHING, STRUGGLING action. In fact, it is the opposite.  It’s a MAGNETIC pull using the power of the creative mind to draw to me what I need by visualizing the intended outcome and allowing my subconscious mind to work on the solutions while my conscious mind is busy doing other things. 

Second, the solution to healing was not a body thing.  It was a mind, body, spirit thing!  So I changed my sleep patterns.  Then, I used hypnosis to clear the stressful emotions and wounded spirit that were connected to my dis-ease. 

These two mindset shifts were the lynchpin.  Draw to you your solution.  Address the problem on all levels of body and mind.

Next time, you notice yourself feeling overwhelmed.  Ask yourself, what am pushing for or against?  Must you struggle?  Or can you shift your mindset to support you in success with more grace and ease?

Try it.

1)  REFUSE TO BELIEVE YOU ARE STUCK!  Because the minute you do that, you will stop looking for solutions and your subconscious mind which is a wealth of information and resources far beyond the conscious mind will stop as well.  Just tell yourself, "I don't know the solution at the moment, but I will find it or I will meet someone who can help." Or use the affirmation I used above.  Your subconscious is far more resourceful than you can imagine, it works on solutions in the background while your conscious mind is busy doing other things.  That's why a name you've forgotten will pop in later or long after the test is over, you recall the information you thought you had forgotten.  If you come to rely on this ability to use your subconscious for problem solving, it will enhance and become a source of confidence and wisdom for you.

2)  OPEN YOUR MIND TO SEE ALL ASPECTS OF A PROBLEM.   Many times when you are stuck, it is because you are not addressing your problem from a whole brain perspective. Put bluntly, sometimes analysis and logic is not enough.  Oftentimes, there are hidden factors contributing to a problem whether they be emotional, unconscious, hidden mindsets or belief patterns.   If you have a health issue, consider if stressful emotions are playing into the illness or disease.  Also consider the possibility that the illness provides a payoff or gain for you on deeper hidden level. I worked with a client who had migraines for years.  Through hypnotherapy, she discovered that they served the purpose of giving her an excuse to stay home from work, a job that she had grown to hate.  Once she became conscious of this, she chose to quit her job!  No more migraines. 

Years ago, I quit engineering to make it my mission to help anyone who feels stuck.  If I can help you, I would be honored to do so.

Meanwhile, sending you much light and love.  The world needs your unique talents and light.  You are meant to #makeadifference

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